Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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