gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
