Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
