Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
