A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
