id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
