We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
