Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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