My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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