he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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