Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
babies were throwing up all over the place
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
