I wanna bring you to show and tell
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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