I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
