i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
