I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
