I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
