Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
