Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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