I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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