I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is Oprah even human
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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