Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
