when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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