I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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