Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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