I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
two words...techno handjob
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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