i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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