PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you win again, gameday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
