You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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