please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
