I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
