if i can run in heels then i can drive
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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