Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
