i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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