can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
