just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
