i just wanna soil my oats bro
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize