guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
