tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
