Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize