Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize