im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
