i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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