hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
