I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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