The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
