Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
