Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
