How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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