ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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