I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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