You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
