He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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