just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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