the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
