No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
