Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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