I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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