I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
