i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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