He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
