I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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