The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
