You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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