it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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