I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
