Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
