i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize