On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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