so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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