one might say we're banned from that church
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
