if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
