Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
