dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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