Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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