I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
