There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
