listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
