dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
