I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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