Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
