after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize